The ‘Bloke’ Guide to Shopping

Posted by Andy Bowman on

I don’t hate shopping – Let me start by saying that.

I like new stuff, who doesn’t?

But let me tell you where it all goes all so very wrong…and what to do about it! 

  1. People 

People ruin shopping – That’s it!

Every bad shopping experience I’ve had is due to ‘people’ especially around Christmas. Normal, nice people lose every ounce of common sense, respect for personal space and any form of manners when shopping under pressure. 

  1. Car Parking

This causes stress before you’ve even set foot in your bland, generic shopping centre. Rows and rows of angry people in cars ready to pounce – again, no manners or normal etiquette, not to mention careless people opening car doors onto your non-dented car. 

  1. Expensive 

Add lunch out to your agenda and you’ve just spent the equivalent of another shirt.

I could go on and on – but I won’t – but you get the idea.

Over the years, this has really put me off shopping.

On a positive note let me tell you why I have the best wife any man could ever wish for…

Here’s my typical shopping scenario and the process that follows:

  • My wife would like a jumper
  • We go to a local shopping centre
  • My wife finds a nice jumper and buys it

Yes… that’s it – I bet a load of you reading this now don’t believe me – it’s true.

No trying on – No keep looking – No going round and round to come back to that same first jumper.

Yes that’s right – and then she’s ready to leave…. AMAZING

I have questioned if she is a robot but I really don’t care. Robot or not, she’s awesome!

Now here is my guide to you to help you shop this Christmas: 

  • Presents for kids only

o   This is an ingenious idea and removes 99% of pressure.

o   Buy for your kids/husband/wife/partner but that’s it – No-one else.

o   I tried it last year – It works.

  • Prepare a list

o   If you do not prepare a list you will come home with ‘stuff’ YOU want I’ve done this many times – No idea what I want to buy but OMG I love that T-Shirt, I’ll get it!!

o   You are no different and will do the same.

  • Internet Shopping

o   You can buy all your presents while sat on the sofa, eating cake.

o   Why would you ever need to go shopping again?

o   You will get more unique, special gifts online.

o   Some gifts come gift wrapped with your own personal message !!!

  • Leave the kids at home

o   My two year old HATES shopping.

o   She has a 30 minute grace period and that’s it.

o   At 31 minutes she is howling.

o   This is not nice for you, your kids and anyone in close earshot.

  • Vouchers

o   Vouchers ARE great.

o   Ignore anyone who says it’s a cheat or that they are emotionless.

o   You can buy anything YOU want – Brilliant.

o   Vouchers should never be seen as a last resort.

o   And they are quick and easy to buy. 

In Summary 

I’m off to sit on the sofa, eat cake and order my Christmas presents that will be gift wrapped and delivered to my door - HAPPY SHOPPING X 


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